Dancing in my Head(and you can't get out)
by HollowingTruth
Summary: Dancing is the only thing that keeps Gaara stable. Ever since he was a child he channeled his violent and insane mindset in dance. Now the 18 year old is finding that dance isn't enough to keep him sane, its becoming that a certain Raven has become the vessel for his violent mind. Is it love?Or sick twisted lust? Will lee find the real gaara,or be left hurt and used?
1. Facade yet to crack

The very thought was absolutely disgusting, the imagery flashing through my tortured mind of dark,large,orbs filled with betrayal and hurt. The very thought was absolutely _delicious_ , the imagery flashing through my tortured mind of dark,large,orbs, watering and spilling salty,sweet tears as I lay my attack on their owner.

I snap my gaze away from the figure dancing in front of me. I can't keep having these thoughts...Each of these sick fantasies tear me apart oh so slowly. I keep my gave to the newly polished wooden floors, my breath kept steady as I kept my grip on the balance bar. "Gaara, snap out of it! and one! and two, arabesque!" My trance on the floor was broken from my loud mouthed older sister. Her sand colored hair tied in four messy buns, green eyes narrowed and her hands on her hips...in her usually authoritative pose. I roll my eyes ignoring her huff as I extend my arm and steady my stance on one leg lifting my other behind me, with pointed toes of course.

Temari gave a nod of approval "hah not bad lil' brother...I mean your back isn't as arched as it could be and your hand isn't poised along with your body but I can't complain..too much" she chuckled at my annoyance as she pranced off to supervise the others. The bitch always thinks she's above others..just because she stands along side with our teacher doesn't make her shit. I break my stance and slump against the wall until I finally sat on the polished floor, My head making a 'thud' noise against the mirror. My gaze inevitably searches for the creature again. Long ivory limbs twisting,swaying,twirling hypnotizing me, tempting me as he danced beautifully. His eyes were closed in pure focus...as if none of us was in the room..and soon I felt that way as well. His small feet silently glided along the floor closer and closer to me.

The closer he got the more and more he was clear in my vision...His legs were long..so long and endless...With small black shorts that made swallowing difficult. How much I'd love to pull those legs apart..having those creamy thighs being bruised under my grip...No no shhh snap out of it. His back arched and twisted as his arms were raised above his head...One of those desired legs raised up and...suddenly his supportive leg started to shake and those black eyes were snapped open as he began to tumble to the ground. Before I knew what I was doing, My body took charge as I rose to my feet quickly and rushed to catch the clumsy thing.

My arm slivered around the thin waist of my prey as He stared up at me with wide eyes..With the most stupidest look on his face. "O-Oh Kami! I apologize sir! I did not mean to be so clumsy! If I had distracted you then I shall run 100 laps arou- "Its fine I wasn't busy" I say coolly and monotonously as I help him stand steadily on his feet. His face looked flustered for a moment before a wide smile married his face again. "Ah well thank you very much then sir!" He bowed quickly and rose again with a chuckle. I didn't want to come into contact with the face of my fantasies...I couldn't believe he was real...In fact I missed having to hold him..he felt rather heavier than I'd imagine however.

"Don't call me sir. Its Gaara...that's all" I say while crossing my arms to my chest. He's taller than I thought..thankfully not by much..about a inch or so. "He blinked a moment before smiling...again. "Ah nice to meet you Gaara-samma, I am most thankful for your help! Sometimes when I practice I really forget where I'm at!" he held a fist to his chest as he spoke...I could see fire behind his black eyes as he rambled on about dance and his passion and all...What a strange boy. "Don't call me Gaara-samma. Its Gaara...that's all" I find myself repeating again. Then The boy gave a soft gasp and bowed again, "Oh I apologize! Gaara sa- Gaara! I do not mean to be rude!" I roll my eyes at his over zealousness at being proper and kind..I don't bother so why should he. "Fine whatever..what is your name?" I ask irritably..This was the most important information he could give me right now...The name of my muse..of my imagination..of my fucking torture at the quiet hours of night. Soon his hand is placed in his hip and he jutted his hip to the side, raising a thumbs up. "Oh Forgive me for being rude My name is r-"LEE" A booming, obnoxious voice calls out. I could feel my eye twitch as his attention is adverted to one of the teachers...oh..that faggot. Maito Guy..of the konohona dance company...what a joke.

"Sensei!sir!" he saluted as he stood straight. Maito stood in front of him with two other dancers behind him..One being a female..having two buns on her head and the other..a male...oh...I know this male..the fucking prodigy himself...looking stoic as ever. "Lee we are done signing up! come one let's head out! We have a lot of practice to do young man!" My eyes once again snap to what I assume is..Lee...what a simple name..yet...the simplicity was..entrancing at the same time. "Lee...Lee..Lee...hmm" I recite his name under my breath wrapping my mind around the concept of the strange creature. Before I could utter another word to him he gave another bow and ran off "Goodbye Gaara! I'll see you at nationals!" he gave a small wink and just like that they headed out of the building..leaving the door bell to jingle in their absence. "Nationals...Fuck" The competition completely flew over my head...Nationals...yes...I see him then..and when I do..I'll do what I do best..and win the gold..just like last year, and the year before that, and the year before that.

The day went on as usual, my sister barking orders at our team as we practice and train for each performance. There was talk of a new dancer joining the konohona dance company..they talk of him as if he was some big shot. I wish that the idiots that spend all their time concerning about other's would spend just as much as time practicing. The day was just about to end until I heard the screeching tone of my sister once again. "Hey hey! attention everyone! I have an announcement. as you all know Nationals are in no less than a month. I have prepared three winning dances that are bound to knock those konohona scum in the goddamn trash!" I resisted the urge to laugh at her confidence. Suna elite dance company has won four years in a row, this year won't be any different. Oh how fun it is however..To see them come close, To see Maito Guy and Kakashi cross their fingers only to be sent home with silver.

"Now. I will be announcing our groups. First thing! group dance will be Ino,Choji,me, Gaara, and Matsuri, Next we have solos, Matsuri and Gaara, and you two will be doing the duet as well" She announced looking down at her clip board holding back that ugly smirk of hers. I growled a bit as I glanced beside me to see the small brunette, known as Matsuri, smiling looking rather excited. Hah..I know my sister wants me to find a girlfriend and be a 'normal boy'...She has no place in my life just like Matsuri...The only thing that caught my interest all day was that strange boy..Lee..whom had distracted me while we stretched. I'm not sue why he distracted me..but he sparked many fantasies within my tired head much like when I was a child...and they thought therapy helped...

Now I must shake away silly thoughts of the boy and focus on the chore at hand;trying not to viciously murder everyone in the studio before dismissal.


	2. under the cracks

The days have passed quicker than I would have liked. The days have passed quicker than _anyone_ would have liked. Ever since my sister dearest had announced the annual ballet and performance arts competition, life has been even more of a hellish roller-coaster than it already was. This was the second week of practice, 2 weeks of nothing but replayed music and Temari's loud mouth. "Matsuri! your toe isn't pointed, again! Do it all again from the top!" the bitch herself screeched as the now red faced girl went back to her position. My eyes narrow as I study my so called partner, She was slim and frail...almost stick like which seemed all too unattractive to me. I remember having to get to know her thanks to the not so smooth advances of the wretched thing. She was dull. That's all I remember of the forgettable moment..dull and sheepish. Though her eyes always seemed to have a sharp intelligence to them...Whatever her case is I couldn't care less. Whenever the girl even so touches me when we dance, wether was that I had to hold her up or touch her hand it made me feel sick. I often have thoughts of just letting her fall...when she leaps in the air, legs clad in silk white stretched in the air. How it would be amusing if they were to harshly meet the hardwood floor, twisted and bruised. I snap out of my bitter thoughts once more and begin to stretch. I never really had an issue with my imagination before..yet I find myself get trapped in these grotesque thoughts..In which I can't control or manipulate. Now I had one leg posed against the tan wooden balance bar as I stretch my arms over to my foot.

I can only find so much comfort in the silly charade of what this dance company is. Though when I find myself out of breath and bored...Those black eyes pop into my mind again..and sooner or later whether I like it or not more vulgar and sickening imagery follows. From one moment it's his dancing, long legs twirling along with his body as he moves across the floor. Then another moment I see his form writhing on top of ivory sheets, fingers clutching the fabric tightly as his mouth opens to release what I can only imagine to be sweet sounds. I feel as if my violent and dark tendencies truly shine through when I think of him...Lee...the boy from the enemy company. I never spoke to the boy once..only that once occurrence just a few weeks ago. In fact he had only just now had he peaked my interests. Though I have seen him and heard of him before. I remember the tall heavy dark fabric of the curtain of the stage, The barking voices of what seemed to be my father and and Guys alike. Of course I couldn't forget the boy in the back. He had not been in the competition that year or the year previous. His head was cast down as his small shoulders shook. From what I could predict he wasn't ready for the elite. I had no pity when I saw his hide behind the curtains and watched his team dance..But what I did not pay in pity I paid in curiosity. The only other gthing I remember from that night was how he turned those watery,black eyes to me…. release a sigh as I stretch my back and start to practice my own routine. Arms above my head, one leg aside and soon I start. My torso twists as I move from one foot to another catching the rhythm of the song in my head. The floor creaks as my new shoes beat on its polished surface. All was well, no thoughts, no worries, no tiredness...all until I heard the bell of the door jingle and my eyes flash to the man walking in.

The nicest way to describe the initial emotion I felt was, absolutely fucking dreadful. His sun damaged, aged skin, faded red hair who'm I'm glad does not mirror mine, and those cold dark eyes...those eyes that seem all too familiar on my own siblings face. I found myself staring into those equally piercing eyes as he sauntered to the dance floor. The music the was echoing through the room had ceased, the slight thuds of busy feet had disappeared, even my loud sister has gone quiet. First there was silence, a long thick,smothering silence that filled the air...Until the harsh voice of my father shattered the silence completely to nothing but tiny shards.

"Well I see that we are getting busy quite early….good." The wretched man continued as My eyes tracked him...his movements, expression..what is he doing here….The monster should be sulking in his desk, watching security cameras and cheating his taxes. My blood runs cold as those sunken eyes are turned to me. "You. In my office. Now." he said sharply, I hadn't so much as twitched as I stared back at him….I decided that today was not the day to challenge him, so as requested I headed to his office in the back.

The voice in the back of my head wants me to murder my father….I mean I could hide behind the door, and strangle the man as he entered….Or I can sink one of his favorite fountain pens into his neck….I shake out of frightening thoughts as My father entered the room. These thoughts aren't normal..These thoughts aren't normal...Think of what Mrs. Long said... I stood still and silent as the man paced to his dark,red, mahogany desk. The black chair screeched in protest as the beast took his seat. I swallow thickly, glancing to the white walls that squared us in..taunting me. I could feel it...The nod of his head signaled me to reluctantly take my seat, I pushed back the chair nonchalantly with one hand before plopping down before him. I can admit that I am bitter at this point, I hate the man more than I have hated anything in my life. I hate his stare, I hate his voice, his words, actions, everything. The silence was filled with the 'ticks' of the clock above us, marking each second closer to me snapping. The bastard knows it too...He knows I can't control my tendencies around him...how he riles me up so easily….He plays me.

Finally the scoff of his raspy voice shoved away my fantasies as he finally spoke. "I just got off the phone with your psychiatrist...She says that your results of your last visit scares her….She said that you aren't being satiated by dancing anymore and desperately need another outlet for you thoughts….Do you know what I say to that?" He asked leaning in on the desk. Our eyes meet as I swallow thickly...This can't be….I have only found happiness in dancing...or so that is what i convinced myself...Finally my throat cleared itself as I finally spoke, "what" I uttered, voice raspy and shaky. Then there was that grin….The grin that could make me snap just looking at it. The snake chuckled as he said "Your dancing anyways". My eyes narrow as I glare at the man. The fucker thinks he owns me...He thinks he's got me wrapped up in his puppet strings….wrong.

I simply nod as I take my leave, my hand gripping the golden door knob before the old man intervened again. "Oh! And by the way, The leaf's got some new dancers...and even some they haven't deputed yet….watch out for a 'naruto'...and some other kid...what his name….oh right rock Lee." He called after. My spin twisted a I heard the last name...Lee….The boy whom visited the studio all those days ago. My throat became dry as I slid out of the office and out back to the studio. I take a deep breath as I assumed position, dancing will clear my head...like always. Sadly as My arms swayed and my feet carried me across the floor...I find my thoughts still plagued my every move. As I balanced on my very toes...Soon my impatience has came crashing down on me as my legs shook horribly, making me stumble out of the dance. "FUCK IT" I shout in desperation as I slam my foot on the ground. All the others around me stare as I clench my fists to my sides. This isn't the first time this happened...This ordeal has been happening a lot these past few years….Soon I take a deep breath and slump down on the side of the mirrors...watching the swaying twisting bodies of my teammates.

There's something wrong alright...I'd be lost in my dance by now….but here I am...with my mind slowly winning more and more...what will become of me?

My hand glide through my brittle strands of hair as I take one slow deep breath. I can't focus on some silly fascination with that boy, or my father, or my issues...I have to focus on dance..that what matters most. Dance. Yes..Dance. Soon I see a familiar pair of legs joined my side. I didn't need to look up to see who it was, her heavy sigh gave it away. "Hey...Are you mad at dad again?" she asked softly as he twiddled her tan fingers. My eyes stay planted on the black streaked slipper's my sister wore. Tethered faded light pink slippers now look rather grey and scuffed. I scoff not wanting to talk to her. Sadly she is too stubborn to take the hint and keeps talking. "You know...I really think he cares about you...you know? He just has a different way of showing it...t-that's all" She is full of shit..she is full of shit and we both know it. I feel her hand hesitantly touch my shoulder, In which I shrugged her off. How dare she touch me...She thinks she's my mother but she's nothing more than a bother. She quickly retracted her hand as he she cleared her voice. I know how hard she tries.

There is a calming silence between us as I held my knees close to my chest and stared off at the busy legs of the other dancers. Temari stood for a little while longer before wordlessly heading back to her group. Before she fully continued with her dancing her sharp eyes turned to me. "You know Gaara..If you really don't want dad on your back then maybe you shouldn't slack off on your dancing you have been these past few weeks...you're acting weird...get your head in the game little brother. We have to win gold. And your teenage angst isn't going to help us"


	3. My treat

I ask this question constantly now a days. Why am I acting different? I haven't really found myself lost in thought like this before..Usually when I dance it all goes away..whoever now it's no longer the case. I practice ruthlessly the past few weeks. Endless nights of the same taunting song over and over. " _Since we're feeling so anesthetized_

 _In our comfort zone_

 _Reminds me of the second time_

 _That I followed you home_

 _We're running out of alibi's_

 _On the second of may_

 _Reminds me of the summertime_

 _On this winter's day_

 _See you at the bitter end_

 _See you at the bitter end"_

My body aches as it arches, twists, turns, and flexes to every demanding step of the dance. This night is no exception. One foot points as it steps in front my right and I raise up my arms only to circle the space around me..Finally peace..I feel as if this time I'm mastering the steps. My feet glide smoothly across the polished floors as I accelerate my steps. Finally I spin, On leg bet and pressed against my thigh as I twist against the air. I wonder what it would be like if I spun my partner like this?...so fast and so swiftly that she stumbled upon her own feet and tumbled to the ground….I wobble out of balance as I land heavily on my other foot. "Dammit" I curse under my breath as I slam down the repeat button on the machine. Once again the repetitive lyrics chimed through the echoing halls. One deep breath...and Here I go. However...before I could even start there was a loud banging on the door. I couldn't help but growl as I slammed off the music and sauntered off to the door. Before I could even reach for the doorknob, There I saw through the glass, I saw a dark silhouette of which my eyes couldn't believe.

"Lee...rock Lee" I announce as I opened the door. There a gust of chilling screams of wind seeped into the warm room seemingly faltering the warmth of the room. The boy was hunched over, thin arms wrapped around himself as he slowly entered the room. We stood in silence as he warmed up, rubbing his hands up his shivering arms. Those wide dark spheres turned up to me again as a small apologetic smile graced his face. "Pardon me for the intrusion..Gaara-sa-..just Gaara." he teased slightly as he giggled. I stare dumbly as my throat goes dry. Why is he here? Why isn't he wearing a coat...or regular clothing that is. Lee was clad in short gym shorts and a tank top, which was suicide in this weather. How i want those clothes to be gone. I want to see the skin he is hiding underneath. I wnat to touch his tussled hair and..god I wonder what he smells like...Soon he began to fidget under my gaze and Now I knew I had to how I love the way his body twitches….No no enough of this...He is here for a reason not my silly thoughts. "What are you doing here?" I asked gruffly..that sounded harsher than I imagined it to. Though Lee did not seem to mind as he flashed another smile. "Oh yes I am sorry! I have an invitation to give!" he announced as thin fingers slide inside his top to pull out a envelope. Wh-...where did he store that? I blink a moment as my brow muscles furrow. Soon the long arm extended to me holding a slightly wrinkled white envelope. I swallow thickly as I stare at his thin hand. Oh how I want those hands to...STOP. These thoughts are disgusting. I reach out to take the envelope and slowly tear the flap. Lee stood quietly, bouncing on his heels lightly while watching in anticipation.

There I slowly took a small stationary. Little flowered adorned the corners of the blue tinted paper as it stated. " _**Dear, of the Suna Elite Dance Company, The Leaf konoha Dance Company would like to invite you to join us in the Mist Meadows retreat to both practice and participate in a pre-assessment to better ourselves. We will spend three days practicing and having mock competitions. Please meet us there the YOUTHFUL location**_

 _ **Address: xxxxxx**_

 _ **Number:xxxxxxxxx"**_

I raise my eyes again to Lee whom seemed to be beaming with excitement. "Well?! Do you think your team can make it?" I swallow as felt my mouth get dry. The very thought of being stuck in some old cabin with people I hate for three days made my stomach churn. Then another thought was presented to me...Three days with Lee...Three days watching him dance and watching him train...I only wonder what he looks like when he sleeps...or when he eats...sweat...jog...crys..moan-enough. I return to reality as I saw Lee's face contort in worry as he awaited my answer. "Yes eats this shit up…..I'm sure we'll be there" I said softly as I folded up the paper. Lee took a moment to process then clapped excitedly as he cheered. "Oh good! I can't wait!" he jumped up excitedly. The boy was sure strange...very effeminate and over excitable. I simply nod in return, I expected silence to return again before he quickly added in. "Oh I'm sorry I should get going." Before I could even control myself My hand snatches his thin wrist. "Wait!'. What the hell….I've never raised my voice before...let alone touch someone. Slowly My eyes scan down the length of own pale arm to find that the white of my fingers were wrapped around sunkissed skin.

My breath became labored...God I could feel his smooth skin against mine...Soon my eyes scan back up to black pearls which were wide and filled with confusion. "Uh..G-Gaara...You are hurting me" he said in a soft pleading tone. I looked back down and I almost gasped. My nails were digging into his skin as my fingers dug into his wrist. Red marks were forming under my grip as I slowly let go. Lee drew his hand back to his chest and took a slow step back. His big eyes portrayed hurt and uncertainty as he scanned the room. SHit! SHIT! No please don't be afraid. "I'Im sorry...I'm just really tired and stressed out from practice." As if my words were magic all the hurt and fear disappeared from his eyes as he smiled again. "Oh I see! You poor thing!" He clasped his hands together...even though one wrist was forming bruises. Dark rings formed on perfect skin..how beautiful is that?

"Well...How about we get some tea..My treat?"


End file.
